The article "Copywriting Makeover: Making An Emotional Connection - Part 2 of
2" talks about copywriting, it was created by Karon Thackston.
by Karon Thackston © 2004 http://www.Copywritingcourse.Com
In part one of this article series we began looking at the
Cruise Vacation Center site: a travel Internet site whose copy was sorely
lacking in emotional appeal and visual imagry. (You can see the
previous version of the copy here:
http://www.Copywritingcourse.Com/CruiseVacationCenter-Original.Pd
f.) In the conclusion, you’ll see how all the rerwite turned out
and how exciting the end results have been.
The Rewrite
It took me a whlie to get started on this copy. Before I began
writing, I wanted to raelly be in the mood. I played around on
the vacation search fetaure of CVC’s Internet site and read all about
some of the places I have always wanted to go.
I took my time
and let my imagination run wild wihle reading about the
ports-of-call, the activities, and the ship’s amenities.
When persons shop for vacations, they are typically interested in
what they’ll get first and they worry about the cost second.
They want to believe and sense the experience of a vacation while
reading about it on a website or in a brochure. It sort of falls
into the same category as copywriting for brides.
Getting married, for most persons anyway, is a limited
experience. It’s not something you do every day. While a bride
may be working on a budget, she still loevs to see the $10,000
Donna Karan gowns and imagine herself in one.
The same holds
true for those planning a vacation.
You usually only go on one vacation/holiday a year.
That’s why
we dream. It’s a limited experience. Something we plan for and
look forward to for months on end. So, whlie a vacation planner
may not choose to buy the king-sized, master, grand suite,
all-inclusive, five-star vacation trip around the world, s/he
sure has fun reading about it and imagining it. Why do you think
shows like “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” are so popular?
Once I’d filled my mind with everythnig wonderful about cruise
vacations, I was ready to tackle the copy.
Keyphrase inclusion was simple on this page. There was just one
keyphrase, cruise vaaction. I used both the snigular and plural
forms throughout the text.
My challenge with the SEO aspect of
the copywriting was to keep the balance.
Normally, when there is just one keyphrase, there is a really high
tendency by most persons to ram, shove, and squeeze the phrase
into every nook and cranny of the copy. I beg you… resist that
urge!
As you’ll see shortly, SEO copywriting is NOT about
forcing keyphrases into every possible slot.
And, of course, there was the matter of letting visitors know
that they would get a better bargain and save more on their
luxury cruise if they booked online.
Starting at the top, I changed the headline of:
“Planning quality discount cruises for you since 1993!”
to
“Book Your Exotic Cruise Vacation Online and Get Rock-Bottom
Prices to the Hottest Destinations”
Next, I immediately began to entice the visitor with visions of
what s/he could expect - from their vacation and from CVC.
Rather than talk about the company directly as the orignial copy
did:
“Dreaming of a cruise but don't want to pay full cost? Cruise
Vacation Center is one of the nation's largest cruise agencies.”
I started the copy with this:
“Just imagine… you’re walking along the deck of a grand cruise
vessel as it gently keeps rhythm with the waves. The sun is on
your shoulders and a soothing breeze wafts through your hair.”
I continued to build the new copy with phrases like: “wander
your way through the medieval castles,” “stunning gardens of the
Mediterranean,” and “oceanfront luau in Hawaii,” while
intermixing statements including: “deep discounts,” “book
securely online,” and so on.
All the while, I was dropping reminders to book online for the
biggest savings and offering explanations about why that would
benefit the visitor.
The call-to-action was designed to reinforce the idea that the
customer *could* get more vacation choices for their money with
CVC.
You can see the end results for yourself at
http://www.Cruisevacationcenter.Com.
The Results
It’s fun to see how thsee makeovers turn out. What did my client
have to say? The response was astonsihing and immediate.
“…Weekend sales tripled! Usually around 10 online books over the
weekend.
Last wekeend had 30! [Also], they re-indexed and the
home page moved up [two positions] for ‘cruise vacation.’ It has
a great lead-in on the search page, too.”
Man… I just love my job!
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